Oh My Friends, My Friends, Forgive Me
by Obvious Ghost
Summary: The world had ended, and there was nothing he could do to bring it back. But even in the ruins, something new is born.
1. Phantom

Soldiers' uniforms. _Firebenders_.

The tent was dark and silent. Aang's thoughts came to him like a dream, one by one. All he could see were more and more uniforms, tattered and burned, and it didn't make sense, why would they _be_ here, why would-

Something caught his eye. White. Faded. A strange sculpture, with gaping holes in the head and leaning against the wall. Almost as if...

Bones.

His breath caught. Aang froze, unable to look away. He couldn't even focus on anything else- they were scattered on the ground, broken and pale and covered in dust. Something unfamiliar made him shake, made his heart pound, made the room seem darker than it was.

This was death. It was in the air all around him, whispering and quiet, seeping into the armor and debris. And the skeleton kept staring at him, glaring without eyes, mouth hanging open in a crooked smile, like a spectre that had always been waiting, waiting, waiting for him to come home. To walk into death's lair and open his eyes for the first time. And around its neck, a medallion.

The next thought took time. The name formed in his mind, but he didn't let himself react, didn't think about what it could mean, refused to believe-

_Gyatso_.

The pendant stared back at him, and the familiar symbols were wrong, impossibly wrong, they shouldn't be here, the pendant belonged to Gyatso and _this wasn't Gyatso, this was a dead man-_

Aang fell forward, kneeling in the torn cloth and the bones. Something... cold was building up, in his head and in his chest, fast and harsh and trying to get _out_, and it was all he could do to hold it back. For a moment, he didn't focus on the scene before him, casting his thoughts onto the tenets of his upbringing- the monks' voices, gentle and calm, teaching him about the world, about nature, the animals, and airbending.

Bending. Suddenly he could see it, plumes of fire and smoke, shrouding over the temple and seeking out its inhabitants. And here, even in the tent, the flames had screamed through the air, closing in on an old man who hadn't even had time to stand.

He couldn't move. Closing his eyes tightly, he was vaguely aware of Sokka, talking amiably as he entered the tent. Calling his name. Recoiling in quiet shock, then placing his hand on his shoulder.

"...let's get out of here."

_Get out_. They had probably said it, screamed it at the intruders, then whispered it in hushed voices to one another as they tried to escape.

Words from his teachers echoed in his ears, lessons of peace and harmony, but they were growing faint. He raised his head, trying to keep his thoughts clear-

_All of them._

It wasn't enough.

_Not just Gyatso, all of them._

The feeling had returned, but it was stronger now- something terrible was growing, and he had to stop it-

_This temple is nothing but a grave._

The truth hit him like freezing water, and suddenly he had no strength left, no reason to hold it back. It flooded him, searing hot and cold and furious, and he was rising, slowly levitating higher and higher, skin glowing with an unnatural white light. Below, maybe someone was yelling, maybe someone was running away, but it didn't matter- all that mattered was the air whirling around him, churning and twisting while it propelled him into the sky. The tent was already destroyed, but he barely noticed- now there were voices, screaming and whispering and overwhelming.

_Balance. Revenge. Peace._

Katara's voice reached him.

_Unity. Hate. Forgiveness._

She was calling to him, saying she understood, that she knew what it was like, that she'd lost her mother-

_Kill, friends, fire, harmony, anger, home, terror-_

One voice, one thought instantly cut through the rest, fueling the rage and fear and everything else, setting his mind on fire:

_You are alone._

The air thrashed and convulsed with the fury of a storm, but Aang didn't care- the power was beyond him now, as if he had no part in the destruction. He was simply existing, while the wind mourned its people and howled vengeance at the earth and sky.

The _Avatar_ howled.

"But you still have a family!"

...

The voices were still there, still fighting over each other and pounding at his mind. The Avatar heard them all.

Aang the airbender, though, listened to the small, worried voice emanating from the snow beneath him.

"Sokka and I- we're your family now!"

...

Drifting.

...

Quiet.

...

Warm.

...

Later, they would tell him that he'd slowly fallen back to earth, and the gale had died down, and the lights had faded. All he remembered, though, was being held in someone's arms.

She said something, but the ringing in his ears kept him from hearing. Slowly, painfully, his thoughts formed themselves into words: as best he could, he whispered what was now clear.

If the firebenders had come here, they'd have found the other temples as well.

Katara didn't respond.

He closed his eyes. "I really am the last airbender."

[]

[]

[]

"I don't think he'd seen bones before."

Katara stared at the campfire, eyes glinting with its orange light.

With a shrug, Sokka sat down. "Or even a dead body, maybe." He tossed a few sticks into the flames, causing a small burst of embers to rise. "Think he'll be okay?"

She glanced over to a small tent, then sighed. "...I don't know."

"Will _you?"_

Startled, she turned back to her brother, who was wearing the faintest trace of a grin. "W-what's that supposed to mean?"

He chuckled quietly. "You seemed kinda freaked out."

"Well, yeah." She wanted to fire back that he'd been just as scared, and besides, she had still been the one to talk to Aang, but somehow it didn't seem to matter. Biting back the retort, she instead looked down. "But I think it terrified him more than us."

Sokka raised his eyebrows, and she continued. "The other time, it was when he'd fallen over the edge of the Fire Nation ship- he told me he doesn't even remember it. I think it started when he was unconscious. But today, he..."

Her voice trailed off. "He went through it all," Sokka finished quietly. He wasn't looking at her, but staring up, at the dark clouds and patches of clear night sky. "Man, I never expected- I mean- the _Avatar_."

Katara nodded, but didn't say anything. "And the airbenders," he said reverently, with awe in his voice, like he was speaking about a great mystery. "They're old news to us, you know? But for him, it's..."

A gentle breeze chilled the air for a second. "Katara, what if we can't help him?"

She blinked, not trusting her voice to give a clear response. "I know we want to, and I'm not gonna give up or anything, but-" Sokka let his head hang forward, covering his eyes with a hand. "If you asked me to just... forget my whole life, and let go of everybody I've ever-"

Something caught in his voice, and he paused. "I mean, he needs-" Finally, he looked up, and she could see real sorrow in his gaze. "Where do we even start?"


	2. Sacrifice

The day had been... taxing.

Several close calls with a regiment of Fire Nation soldiers had left the group on edge. The day was especially warm, and the sun beating down only made tempers worse- another argument between Toph and Zuko was never settled, and Aang's worried attempts to get them to talk to each other had been both exhausting and unsuccessful.

"Would it kill 'em to take a vacation or something?" Sokka was lying on his back in the grassy field, not far from Appa's sleeping form. Their bedrolls and supplies were strewn about the clearing, but no one had it in them to set up camp, especially since they wouldn't need a fire. "Patrols have to end sometime, right?"

On the other side of the meadow, Zuko faced a nearby copse of trees. "What, the soldiers?" He snorted. "They're at war. It's not exactly a day job."

Sokka chuckled. "They have the worst boss in history, though. I know I'd be ready for a day off."

A beat of silence passed before Zuko abruptly shook his head and started towards the forest. "I'll see if I can find some more water."

Sitting up, Sokka turned to the others with a confused look. "What's his problem?"

From his vantage point on top of Appa's saddle, Aang shrugged. He was staring off into the distance, clearly distracted- he only blinked and looked away when Katara approached. "You okay?" she asked quietly. "I know this hasn't been the best day for anyone, but..."

"Heh. Yeah." He gave a small grin. "I'm probably just tired."

"Uh-_greed_." Toph's voice floated up from the ground, where she was lying face down in the grass. "And that's why," her muffled voice continued, "I'm gonna try to get some sleep. So if you could keep it down, that'd be wonderful."

Groaning, Sokka waved his arms. "Ugh, no. No sleeping. I'm already bored enough without having to look at your snoring face."

"Fair enough." She punched the ground, causing a miniature dirt wall to obscure her head from view.

"Oh, you're just hilarious." But Aang was chuckling, and Katara rolled her eyes with a smile. "Hey, don't encourage her!"

Katara started to open one of the bedrolls. "Lighten up. We've been dodging soldiers all day. Maybe some sleep is just what we need."

As if in reply, Appa shifted in his slumber, nearly causing Aang to fall off. The airbender laughed, but his expression quickly became more thoughtful. "I wonder if they're as tired as we are."

Sokka raised his eyebrows. "What, the soldiers? I hope so." He yawned, falling back onto the grass. "Hey, maybe they'll just up and quit. All of 'em. Same time."

He'd meant it as a joke, but something about the idea kept anyone from laughing. "Isn't it kinda weird, though?" Aang asked slowly. "I mean, why are they still trying to capture us?"

The earthen ridge slipped back underground. "Um, I don't know if you've noticed, bud," Toph said with a lazy smile. "But we're kind of the most wanted criminals in the Fire Nation."

"And proud," Sokka called out.

Aang chuckled. "Sure, but that's not what I meant." He paused, and something about his look became quieter, somehow less jovial. "Why would they keep fighting for the Fire Lord? Why stay in the army?"

"I mean... don't they know?"

Hands behind his head, Sokka stared up at the sky. "Of course they know," he scoffed. "That's the problem."

A nervous silence settled on the group. When no one else joined in, Sokka kept speaking. "Look, think of it this way. Either someone's keeping them in the dark about how completely _insane_ Ozai is, or they're all going right along with him."

Wrapping his arms around his knees, Aang hesitated. "Well, maybe it's not so clear for them-"

"Really?" Sokka laughed harshly. "Listen, they see more of the world than anyone, even us. They're always traveling, patrolling different places, and pretty much taking every assignment the general or whatever gives them."

"Geez, you're an expert on the Fire Nation military now?"

"Shut up, Toph. Here's what I'm saying: we see all the pain and chaos that their fighting brings, you know? The thing is, those soldiers see the same thing. Probably even more than we do, since they're _actually in the war_." He pushed himself up to a sitting position. "There's no way they don't know."

Katara crossed her arms, leaning against Appa. "I think I get it," she said slowly. "How can they fight for something that's so obviously wrong- is that it?"

"Well, yeah." With a sigh, Sokka looked away from his friends, back up at the clouds. "But we already have the answer. Like I said- either they don't know what they're doing, or they're just as evil as the Fire Lord." His voice became colder. "And believe me, they _know_."

Toph yawned nonchalantly. "Where's all this philosophical stuff coming from, jokes-guy?"

"Hey, you know me. I get stuck on ideas." He frowned, glancing over to Aang. "Well?"

Suddenly on the spot, Aang seemed uncomfortable. "I'm not sure," he said quietly. "I guess I never really thought about it before."

"There's nothing to think about." Sokka shrugged, standing, as if the matter had been settled. "We're not just fighting one guy. The whole army's just like him. Maybe even the rest of the country."

"You're wrong."

With a startled yell, Sokka half-jumped and tried to turn around. The awkward movement resulted in him tripping and falling to the grass, while the others looked to Zuko, who was approaching from the direction of the trees. He pointed over his shoulder. "There's a river a ways into the forest, but it's not far from a village. We'll have to decide if it's worth the risk of being spotted."

Nearing the rest of the group, he began looking through one of the supply bags. Sokka winced and rubbed the side of his head, then looked over to Zuko- after a few seconds, he scowled. "What'd you say?"

Zuko didn't turn around. "You're wrong," he repeated. "Not everyone in the Fire Nation thinks the same."

"I didn't-" Thinking for a moment, Sokka shook his head. "Okay, that's too far," he admitted. "I was talking about the army, though."

"Still." He let the bag fall to the grass, but kept looking at it, as if using it to keep from facing Sokka. "You really think every single soldier hates the rest of the world?"

A blank look passed over his face, like he realized he could be out of his depth, but he blinked and continued. "They're literally on the front lines!" he said hotly. "It's completely naïve to say they're secretly great people who don't know how much damage they're doing!"

Sensing the beginning of a bigger-than-usual fight, Aang slipped down from Appa's back. "Nobody's saying that, Sokka-" he began.

"You're really trying to defend them?" Sokka jumped to his feet, staring at the figure in front of him. Completely ignoring Aang, he spread his arms wide, with a hint of his usual easygoing attitude in his smile. "Look, we let you be a part of our little gang here, and let me tell ya, that wasn't easy. Eventually, though, I got over it."

The grin disappeared, and he jabbed his finger towards Zuko. "But I'm not gonna let you stand there and tell me those soldiers are good people!"

A beat of complete silence passed, as if Zuko was holding his breath. "...You don't know what you're talking about."

_"Really?!"_ Eyes wide, Sokka let out a short laugh, then turned to face his sister. "I don't know!" he yelled, shaking his head in wonder. "I don't know what I'm-" He cut off the word abruptly, dropping to a whisper. "I guess I must have _imagined_ the Fire Nation attacking my home," he hissed. "Was it just a dream when we passed through the ruins of villages that your people burned to the ground? Or when you attacked us, and _they_ attacked us, over and over, and they started going after others, and it felt like every day everyone I knew was one step away from being captured or hurt or killed!"

His voice had grown louder and stronger, and when he finally yelled the last words, it left him red-faced and breathing heavily. Aang had stepped forward again, but Sokka held out his arm. "No. I want him to say something. Let him _try_."

Zuko still hadn't turned, but he was holding his head in his hands. "It's not that simple," he choked out. "They're not-"

"What? Not what?" Glaring, he spit the words. "Not evil? So what, they're just idiots- too stupid to see what they're doing?"

"Of course not-"

Determined, Aang moved between them, holding his hands up. "Look, Sokka-"

"What about the airbenders?"

The clearing went silent. Zuko did nothing except shake his head, as if he was trying to deny his thoughts, while Sokka looked stunned by his own question. For his part, Aang had gone pale, suddenly looking away from the others. Before Toph or Katara could say anything, Sokka blinked and took a small step forward. "W-what'd they do wrong?" he asked quietly, trying to keep the shudder out of his voice. "How is that justified?"

He didn't answer right away, and he seemed to be trembling. "It's not. Nothing is."

When no further explanation was given, Sokka narrowed his eyes. "You know what?" he asked. "I'm sorry. Really. I shouldn't have expected anything different, since you grew up in the Fire Nation."

Zuko took a deep breath, finally turning to face him. "Yeah, but-"

"Sure, keep trying to explain it all away. But after all, you lived with the Fire Lord himself, so you were probably even more brainwashed than the rest!"

"OF COURSE I WAS!" he shouted. "Don't you get it? That's _exactly_ what happened!" Sokka gave a start, about to respond, but he was cut off. "And I can promise you, it's the same with those soldiers. They don't think they're evil- every day, they're _praised_ for what they do. My father has them convinced that they're bringing a higher way of life to the places they conquer."

Scowling, he moved away, focusing on the trees instead of the stunned faces of the group. "He says we're-" An angry snarl cut through, and he paused. "'_Sharing our greatness with the rest of the world'_," he said with venom. "And I thought- I-"

His expression froze, and he couldn't seem to get the words out. A gust of wind stirred the long grass at their feet, providing a distraction from the silence. "...I thought we were heroes," he finally said. "From the inside, everything seemed perfect. The people were happy, the empire was advancing, and-"

Staring without a focus, Zuko let his words trail off into nothing. "We weren't just right, we were righteous. No one questioned it. Nobody said anything against the war." He laughed bitterly. "We didn't even say 'war'. We called it 'colonization'."

The sun beat down on him, shrouding the field in a faint golden haze. Sokka's voice emanated from behind him. "That's not enough. That doesn't make anything right."

"I know." He unconsciously balled his hand into a fist. "But what if it was you?"

"Huh?"

When Zuko turned, he saw the others were still watching him- Aang huddled near Appa, Katara with one foot forward as if she was about to speak, Toph listening quietly, and Sokka standing upright, arms crossed, apparently unaffected by what he'd said. "What if it was you?" he repeated. "What if it was your country? Your people?"

Sokka's eyes lit up with anger, but Zuko didn't stop. "The Southern Water Tribe goes on a rampage and tries to conquer the world." He stepped closer, staring him in the face. "What would you _do?_"

A single moment. A split second of hesitation, and Zuko saw a million thoughts in the boy's eyes.

Suddenly he threw his arms forward, shoving Zuko and pushing him to the ground. "They'd never do something like that!" he yelled. "They're not like you!"

"Stop it!" Katara had rushed forward, and she was now trying to hold her brother back. "Sokka, you have to-"

"What if it was _your_ father?"

The shouted question made her pause, just for an instant, while the weight of the words sank in. It was more than enough time for her brother to break away, rushing back towards Zuko just as he stood up. He collided with the firebender, yelling as he tackled him. Pinning Zuko beneath him, he landed two punches before a wall of earth separated them and pushed them to opposite sides of the field.

"She said _stop_." Toph looked furious, both arms outstretched, face twisted in concentration. "Both of you."

Ignoring her, Sokka shakily tried to stand. "Don't you dare talk about him!" he yelled, but exhaustion and pain kept his words from sounding as powerful as he'd hoped. "He's- you can't-" Doubling over, he broke into a fit of coughing.

Zuko was on his hands and knees. "You don't have a clue," he sputtered, glaring up. "You can't even imagine it, can you?"

Dirt was streaked across Sokka's face. "I hope you're not looking for pity," he said with a snarl. "Maybe you and Ozai deserve each other."

He froze. Then, slowly, he raised his arm and pointed towards Katara. "What about her?" Shaking wildly, he looked like he was about to fall to the ground. "What if your sister was hunting you down?"

Sokka blinked, mouth open, but didn't say anything. _"_Do you think any of this was _easy?_" Zuko hissed. "Everything I do just puts me in more danger. Three kingdoms want me dead. And you-" A rasping cough cut through his words, just as it had with Sokka. "You're gonna say that letting me be here was hard for _you?_"

In the stunned silence that followed, Toph was about to move forward, but Katara put a hand on her shoulder. "Wait," she whispered. "I don't think... he's not just telling Sokka."

Zuko was staring at the ground again, eyes wide, almost as if he was talking to himself. "But I _had_ to leave. I couldn't- everything was wrong. Everything." His voice grew louder and louder with each thought. "What I was told, what I learned as a child- all the things that made me who I am..."

He shook his head violently, rising to his feet. "It was all wrong!" he shouted. "I had to turn my back on everything I'd ever known! And I can NEVER go back!"

A few seconds passed before he realized fire was crackling in his hands. When he looked up, Toph was standing in front of the others, feet planted in a defensive stance. "Zuko," she said firmly. "Don't."

The flames instantly vanished. Frozen in place, he couldn't look away from the group- they were impossible to read, with stares that could mean anything. Finally, Zuko turned, slowly making his way back towards the forest.

Sokka didn't move right away, standing in place and watching the figure slowly grow smaller. His sister was standing closer to the supplies, where she and Toph were talking quietly.

Aang, though, simply kneeled on the ground, lost in thought.

[]

Fire.

The smallest hint of a spark hovered over his hand, shining against the dimness of twilight. It almost seemed to be immobile- frozen in time, or suspended by an unmoving string. Looking closer, he thought he could just begin to see the traces of other colors in the orange glimmer, but they vanished quickly.

Seated at the base of a tall tree, Zuko didn't react as a gust of wind blew through the branches above him. They creaked and scratched, as if a weight was settling, but he kept his gaze on the forest floor.

Eventually, he sighed. "They probably want me to apologize."

"No." A small voice floated down. "Well... maybe. I didn't ask."

"Then why are you here?" he scoffed. His fist snapped closed over the fire, extinguishing the light.

There was no response. The sudden darkness was almost otherworldly, swirling and twisted in the tangle of the forest. Scattered cries of nighttime animals were nearly lost in the quiet hum of wind-stirred leaves.

Eventually, the voice returned. "If anything, it's my fault. I should have stepped in. I guess I was just-" There was a pause. "Caught off guard."

"Whatever." Zuko leaned his head against the bark, closing his eyes.

"We, uh, we hadn't really thought about it much. You leaving, I mean."

Zuko waited, but no questions followed. No prodding, no attempt to get more information or draw out a story. When he opened his eyes again, he only saw the trees in front of him, barely moving in the faint breeze.

He breathed deeply. "I wish I could go back," he whispered.

The voice was silent. "I know it's wrong, but I still..." His words trailed off. "I dream about it, sometimes. Going home." He shook his head, blinking. "If everything was back to the way it was, and- and my father-"

Abruptly, he stopped. For an instant, he didn't move, face contorted in an expression of anger and longing. He buried his face in his arms, quietly shaking. "But I can't," he said at last. "It's gone."

"Zuko-"

"And none of you know what it's like!" he shouted.

...

The forest was still. With a start, Zuko realized the wind had died down, and not even the thin branches were making a sound. His words seemed to echo in his mind, and he looked up in horror as the revelation made itself known.

"Spirits," he breathed. "Aang, I- I'm so sorry."

"...It's okay."

"No!" He pressed his hands against his head. "I wasn't thinking, I just-"

"Hey." The voice sounded even quieter. "It's alright."

Still tense, Zuko tried to slow his breathing, focusing on the muted noise in the woodlands around him. Above him, the voice hesitantly continued. "You're right, though. It's not easy." Then a brighter tone, as if trying to make a joke. "Hey, when I found out the monks were gone, I almost hurt them too. Y'know, like you just now. With the fire." A cough sounded out. "Sorry."

Zuko kept his gaze on the ground. "How'd you get past it?" he asked. "How can you..."

"Move on?" Another pause. "I- I'm not sure I ever did."

Stunned, he finally looked straight up, but nothing was visible in the gloom. "What?"

The words came more slowly. Thoughtfully. "Like you said. I still want to go back- sometimes so bad I can't sleep. There's no magic way to stop missing it."

Zuko turned back to the dark sky, listening. "But friends help," the voice said brightly. "Honestly, I don't know where I'd be without Sokka and Katara. They didn't try to fix anything, or figure out stuff, they were just... there. When I needed them, they were there."

"...You really think it's that simple?"

A quiet chuckle drifted down. "You turned your back on a whole country, Zuko. It's never gonna be simple."

The smallest hint of a smile appeared, and Zuko leaned back again. "Yeah. I think... I never considered that you did, too."

"In a way." The voice went quiet for a moment. "And besides- the others aren't all that different. I mean, Sokka told me he'd never even been away from home before all this, and they both left all that behind. And Toph- she actually rejected her family. They're kinda like refugees, too."

Zuko wiped his hand across his eyes. "That's not the same."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be." A twig snapped and fell to the forest floor, as if someone was moving in the trees. "Think about it, anyway."

Another gust of wind swept through the branches, leaving only a quiet solitude. Zuko waited for a moment before standing.

He opened his hand once more, watching as a tongue of flame danced over his palm. The light became near-blinding as he curled his fingers inward, intensifying the fire's heat without letting it grow in size.

"Can't go back," he said quietly. "Only forward."

He looked up, back in the direction of the camp.

_It's never gonna be simple._


End file.
